epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
