epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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