last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
