That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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