I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
