and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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