Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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