he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
