fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize