yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
MIDGETS
????
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
