I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
