idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
