All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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