What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
