Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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