I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
