Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
