You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
