I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
