why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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