I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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