Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
