not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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