please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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