my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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