i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
