He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize