I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
