You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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