I don't think brook has ever known best
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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