I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
