My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
