Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
