I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
