I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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