I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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