Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
