He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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