She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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