I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
