I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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