dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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