So drunk its hurt
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
