I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
