Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
