hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover