I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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