Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.