Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.