I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?