please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.