I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
