he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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