So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
