Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
