Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
