we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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