do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
