The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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