You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
