ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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