i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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