I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
