Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
